Care & Prevention

How to Check In On Someone

You do not need perfect words, a psychology degree, or a magical emotional toolkit. You just need a moment of care, a bit of courage, and a willingness to stay in the conversation. This page is a gentle starting point for checking in on someone you are worried about.

Start simple

The best check-ins are usually calm, direct, and human. You do not need a grand speech.

  • “You haven’t seemed quite yourself lately. How are you going?”
  • “I’ve noticed you seem a bit flat. Want to talk?”
  • “You’ve been on my mind. How have things been?”
  • “No pressure, but I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”
  • “I might be wrong, but you seem weighed down lately.”
Aim for: warm, private, non-judgy, and specific.

If they open up

Your main job is not to fix everything. It is to listen, stay steady, and let them know they matter.

  • Let them talk without interrupting too quickly
  • Thank them for telling you
  • Say things like “That sounds really hard” or “I’m glad you told me”
  • Ask what would feel helpful right now
  • Offer practical support if you genuinely can
  • Check back in later instead of disappearing into the mist

What not to do

Even good intentions can land like a dropped saucepan. Try to avoid these classics.

  • Do not minimise it with “everyone feels like that sometimes”
  • Do not rush in with silver-lining speeches
  • Do not make it about your own story straight away
  • Do not pressure them to explain everything at once
  • Do not promise to keep something secret if safety is involved
  • Do not vanish after one conversation

Encourage support gently

If someone is struggling, it can help to suggest support without sounding like you are handing them off to customer service.

  • “Would it help to talk to your GP?”
  • “We could look up some support options together if you want.”
  • “You do not have to do this on your own.”
  • “I can sit with you while you make the call.”
  • “Would it help if I checked in again tomorrow?”

A simple four-step rhythm

If you freeze and your brain leaves the building, keep it simple:

  • Ask with kindness and honesty
  • Listen without rushing to solve
  • Encourage action if extra support is needed
  • Check in again later
That basic flow lines up neatly with the guidance used by R U OK? and other Australian mental health support organisations.

Trusted Australian resources

Sometimes a caring conversation is the start. Sometimes you also want a solid next step. These Australian resources can help with both.

R U OK? - How to ask

Practical guidance for starting a conversation, listening well, encouraging action, and checking in again.

Open guide

Beyond Blue - Support someone

Advice and resources for helping someone experiencing anxiety, depression, or suicidal feelings.

Open resource

Beyond Blue - How to talk to someone

Conversation tips for approaching someone about their mental health and suggesting support.

Open guide

healthdirect - Signs of mental health issues

Plain-language information about common signs that someone may be struggling and why early help matters.

Open resource
You do not need to get every word right. Feeling awkward and checking in anyway is often far better than saying nothing.

What if I’m worried they’re not safe?

If someone is in immediate danger, call 000.

In Australia, free 24/7 crisis support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14, Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467, and the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636.

If you are with them, stay calm, stay present, and help them connect with immediate support.

Sometimes the most powerful sentence in the room is simply: “I wanted to check in.”