Shared Language

Words That Help Us Understand Each Other

Sometimes the hardest part of connection is not the feeling, but finding the words. This page collects concepts, frameworks, and shared language that help us communicate with more clarity, honesty, and compassion.

A note on language: Not everyone gets this right every time. That’s okay. Many of us learned language around mental health, suicide, grief, and trauma long before we understood the impact words can carry. This is not about blame or shame. It is about learning. If you use a phrase that causes harm and someone gently corrects it, that is not an attack. It is an opportunity to grow. We are all still learning. The goal is not perfect language. The goal is safer connection.

Boundaries

Boundaries are not punishments. They are the lines that protect our capacity, energy, safety, and wellbeing.

“I care about you, but I can’t carry this for you.”

Intentional Self Regulation

Recognising what your body and mind need, and responding deliberately rather than reactively.

“I need ten minutes before I answer that.”

Holding Space

Being present with someone’s experience without rushing to fix, solve, or reshape it.

“You don’t have to make this easier for me to hear.”

Repair

The act of returning after rupture. Owning harm, rebuilding trust, and reconnecting.

“That landed badly. Let me try again.”

Capacity

What you can genuinely hold right now without breaking yourself in the process.

“I want to help, but I don’t have capacity today.”

Check-In, Not Check-Up

Connection without interrogation. Presence without pressure.

“Just checking in. No need to reply straight away.”

Safe Language Dictionary

Avoid: “Everything happens for a reason.” Try: “That sounds incredibly hard.”
Meaning matters more than meaning-making.
Avoid: “At least...” Try: “What do you need right now?”
“At least” often shrinks pain instead of supporting it.
Avoid: “Stay strong.” Try: “You don’t have to carry this alone.”
Strength is not silence.
Avoid: “Why didn’t you say something?” Try: “I’m here now. Tell me what you want me to know.”
Many people do speak. Just not always loudly.
Avoid: “Calm down.” Try: “Do you want space or support?”
Regulation cannot be commanded into existence.
Avoid: “I know exactly how you feel.” Try: “I may not fully understand, but I’m here with you.”
Similar is not identical.

Language around suicide

Words matter, especially when talking about suicide. This quick guide is based on Everymind’s preferred language guidance and is here as a starting point, not a replacement for the full resource.

Try saying Avoid saying Why it matters
Died by suicide / took their own life Committed suicide / completed suicide Avoids framing suicide as criminal, sinful, or a task that was successfully completed.
Made an attempt on their life / non-fatal attempt Failed suicide / unsuccessful suicide Avoids framing death as the “successful” outcome.
Concerning rates of suicide Suicide epidemic / skyrocketing rates Reduces sensationalism and keeps language accurate.
Tragic death / a tragedy Finally at peace / set free Avoids presenting suicide as a solution to pain.
Content advice: this discusses suicide Trigger warning / triggered Uses clearer, less loaded wording.
Use suicide only when actually discussing suicide Political suicide / suicide mission / suicide pass Avoids trivialising suicide in everyday language.

For the full guidance, visit Everymind’s Language and Suicide resource .

More concepts coming soon. Language is a living thing, and this shelf is still growing.