The Bedroom
Everyone else is asleep.
Unfortunately, the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee has called a meeting.
Night has a way of making tomorrow's problems feel like they need solving immediately.
The Itty Bitty Shitty Committee has called a meeting.
Nobody seems to know who called it. There was no agenda circulated. Nobody checked whether 2:13am worked for you.
Nevertheless, the committee has assembled and several members have apparently prepared presentations.
They don't always care about evidence. They don't always stay on topic. And they have an alarming tendency to confuse something I thought of with something that is definitely going to happen.
This meeting has gone wildly off agenda.
It may have started with tomorrow's appointment.
Five minutes later you're replaying a conversation from six years ago, worrying about something that might happen next month, wondering whether you've failed everyone you love, and conducting a formal review of a decision you made in 1993.
No, sir.
I could not have done something differently in 1993 using information I only learnt later.
I did what I did with the knowledge, capacity and circumstances I had at the time.
The committee's application for retrospective omniscience is therefore denied.
This meeting could have been an email.
Frankly, the email could have waited until morning.
Standing orders for meetings held after midnight.
The committee is welcome to submit concerns. It does not automatically get control of the building.
No major decisions required.
If it can safely wait until daylight, it is allowed to wait until daylight.
“What if?” is not evidence.
Possibilities may be noted. They do not become predictions merely because Barry from Catastrophising spoke loudly.
No retrospective superpowers.
Past-you only had past-you's information. We do not judge old decisions using knowledge acquired afterwards.
Stay vaguely on agenda.
Tonight's concern does not automatically authorise reopening every unresolved file since childhood.
Tomorrow gets some of its own problems back.
You are not required to solve tomorrow, next month and the remainder of civilisation before breakfast.
Write it down. Don't wrestle it.
If something genuinely matters, give it somewhere to wait for a daylight review.
Useful motions from the Chair
“Noted. Tomorrow problem.”
“No evidence supplied. Motion denied.”
“This item is outside tonight's scope.”
“We are not reopening the 1993 file.”
“Meeting adjourned. Everyone get the fuck out of my bedroom.”
Sometimes the person you're caring for is sleeping right beside you.
That can make this room particularly complicated.
You may know they aren't choosing what is happening. You may know they would never deliberately ask you to lie awake frightened, exhausted or wondering how you're going to manage tomorrow.
And you may desperately not want them to wake up, look at you and think: This is all my fault.
Their experience is real.
Your experience is real too.
One does not have to become blame for the other to matter.
You can be affected by what is happening without believing they are deliberately doing it to you.
You can love somebody and still need somewhere else for your fear, frustration and exhaustion to go.
The Bedside Table
You don't need an entire wellbeing plan at 2am. Just a few things within reach.
Morning changes the room.
It may not change the situation.
But daylight can bring information, other people, services, choices and perspective that weren't available at 2:13am.
Whatever is still important in the morning deserves your attention then.
Night-time thoughts don't need night-time solutions.
Where might you go when morning comes?
The committee can stay here. You don't have to take every member downstairs with you.
The Room With the Closed Door
Some of the things I thought last night still need somewhere safe to be said.
Close the door behind you →The Lounge
I don't want to carry last night's meeting by myself.
Come sit down →The Basement
This isn't just a bad night's sleep. Everything feels too fucking much.
We'll turn on a light →The Exit
Maybe something I kept replaying has shown me where I need more support.
Look for a key →